I was fat. I know that lots of girls say this, girls who are fat, girls who think they are fat, and girls who are a size 2 that are delusional. When I say this, I mean this. I was gigantic. . I could barely move without sweating like a whore in church, I had to sleep with my head elevated so I didnt stop breathing during the night, I would chafe so bad I would bleed. I hated myself. How could I get this way?
I would like to tell you that some strange, freakish illness cause me to gain over 155 lbs, but that would be a lie. I got pregnant with my 3rd child, my husband was constantly on deployments, and I ate. My brain lacks that signal that tells me I am full, so I could polish off an entire pizza loaded with pepperoni and chase it with a cheesecake, then go only an hour later and get a bucket sized Midnight Truffle Blizzard from Dairy Queen and 7 Taco Bell soft tacos and cheese and rice. Sound disgusting? It was. I just lost control. My husband would come home after 8 weeks to me 60 lbs heavier, but not dare say a word.
I developed gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, had two blood clots, my doctor would tell me to slow down, but I was truly hungry. My son was born on 7-7-08 ,beautiful, healthy and sadly, not weighing 75 lbs. He was 8 lbs, 1 oz... and I was still ginormous. I could lift my stomach up to my chin.. There was times where I wanted to take that fat and suffocate myself with it. When my son was almost a month old, I went to the doctor, who had his nurse weigh me..she shook her head and patted my arm. She couldnt get an accurate weight. I wanted to melt into a pool of blubber on her floor. My doctor informed me that at my current weight, I probably wouldnt make it to my 35th birthday. That was all I needed to hear. I started Weight Watchers from home that day.
Two weeks later, I had thought I had lost enough to attend the WW meetings.. I went in to my local center and I stepped on the scale, holding my breath. The receptionist looked at me with pure sympathy and said,"Honey- 312.6." I was humiliated. I vowed NO ONE would ever know how much I weighed until I was skinny. I was 5'4, 312.6 lbs and my body fat percentage was 53.5%. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. This is where this looooooooooooong journey began.
